Coping with the Holidays

The holidays are especially difficult when feelings of depression, sadness,

loneliness, and anxiety are the opposite of the “Hallmark” images we see all around us. "Mental Illness: Coping with the Holidays".

Large groups can feel overwhelming at any time. Extended family gatherings with people who do not understand mental illness can create extreme added anxiety. Family members may be uncomfortable, others may say hurtful things like "just pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get out there!"

It is ignorance of the disease and the stigma of mental illness.

The holidays are about love and caring for one another. We would all do better to let go of the image of the “perfect” holiday and focus on accepting our loved ones without judging, criticizing or advising.

"Despite our good intentions, remember that the holidays rarely turn out as planned. Focus on making them a special time for you and your family, no matter what the circumstances. Celebrate this season of hope and expectation. Celebrate the many blessings in your life."
Rev. Susan Gregg-Schroeder, Coordinator of Mental Health Ministries 

Depression is a never ending black hole ...

This must be how it feels when I see those empty eyes staring back at me. A black hole weighing them down, on the edge of falling.

National Alliance on Mental Illness - Local

Its in their eyes

Some days you can feel the depths of depression by their eyes. They look at you but don't seem to see you, looking through you as if you were glass. Eyes off in some distant place. Some black hole. How lonely that must be, lost without the feeling of hope. And, yes, it is frightening for one who is used to seeing love reflected back from caring eyes ... to see the void of a person who is present in body but seemingly absent in spirit with eyes empty of emotion. 

A tough morning ...

Must be a tough morning ... I know it is the depression (or is it the medication for the depression) that causes it but the alarm clock keeps buzzing yet again and it isn't being heard, except by me, and I hate the sound of it. I have slapped the snooze button a few times, spouse has hit the snooze button a few times and goes back to bed. And now, an hour and a half later, it is going off again, the extra loud BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. Has it been steadily going now for ten minutes and counting? Yes. I had better get in there and wake up the spouse myself. Sigh.

Social Anxiety trumps Social Life

Weddings, funerals, and, when necessary ... the dreaded family get-together that is much of the social life when you live with someone who suffers from chronic social anxiety disorder (and yes, takes medication for it). A special event will come up from time-to-time, as it did the other night. My spouse attends, because it is the expected and "normal" thing to do. But it causes anxiety, which I am sorry to say, causes me anxiety as well.  I don't like to see my spouse feeling this way and knowing all the while that they are in a situation that they do not want to be in ... feeling the room closing in on them. I can't help but be anxious the whole time myself. I try not to let it take the enjoyment out of special events for me, but frankly, it is difficult not to take on some of that pain when you know the person you love is suffering. I see families out doing things together and can't help but feel different, yet I remain thankful for the relationship I have been given. Hope is always there.

If you want more information or need help, visit www.NAMI.org.
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A Gift

I love my spouse, a person with integrity, faith, family values, intelligence, ... all qualities I hold in high regard. He just happens to be a person who also has an illness, the all too stigmatized mental illness. Before we married I talked with a trusted friend about this fact and my concerns. My wise friend told me - from experience - to look beyond the mental illness to the person who remains and ask yourself if this is this a person whose qualities you value, respect, and trust. Is this person a good person who just happens to have an illness? Because, she said, many people have illnesses. What a wise, loving, and accepting woman she is.  My spouse just happened to come wrapped in some bi-bipolar disorder with ribbons of manic depression and a bow of social anxiety. But I have the whole package, and when unwrapped, what is inside is a beautiful, loving person. My spouse, such a gift.

Alarm Clock Blues

Sometime I feel like I am living life backward. At least in regards to alarm clocks.

My spouse, suffering from depression, bi-polar, and anxiety claims to be at best and more productive in the morning. At night, as early as after work, done, and just needs to sit and not think as it is TV watching from 5:30 p.m. on.

In the morning though, the alarm rings extra loud, a special feature one can purchase, to wake us up, at 4:21 a.m. I think the original thought was that one could hit the snooze button once and end up with a 4:30 a.m. wake up time.

The problem is that the alarm clock is across the room. And it is REALLY loud. So it goes off and I jump out of bed to slap the snooze. I am wide awake, and don't see a point to laying down to fall back to sleep only to be jolted awake 8 minutes later by a blast of unpleasantness. But spouse sleeps right through it. So I shower and as I am drying off I hear the alarm go off again, must be 4:38 or so. Today it beeped for 10 minutes before I went in and slapped the snooze button (and I don't use the word "slapped" lightly). Spouse still sound asleep. Eight minutes later ... beep, beep, beep or should I say BEEP, BEEP, BEEP and still no one is rising. So I go in and slap the snooze and start talking which then rises the sleepy spouse and I can turn it off. It is dark outside still, now just after 6:00 a.m. But I've had an hour and 40 minutes of productivity.

Sometimes I like getting up early, it is peaceful up until the point that the alarm starts going off again. Eight minutes of peace anyway. So, I live my life backwards, it is one of those things that you compromise on as you share your life with  a loved one who just happens to live with mental illness.